bereft

Bereft is such a good word.

My brother died last week.
Part of me is relieved he isn't in pain anymore.
He'd been on a morphine pump since this past Dec and had faded into a skeleton of himself.

I had only begun to get to know him again.

Before this we hadn't been a particularly close family, in that we didn't maintain contact with each other very well. This does not diminish the fact that I loved him.
I'm just lousy at keeping in touch with people.
Family are people we're thrown together with at birth.
Sadly, family means more to me now.

My brother was my childhood hero

It's only been eight days since he died.
I've already gone back for his wake and returned home again.
He didn't want a funeral or any kind of religious ritual to mark his death.
We just had the eulogy and viewings at the funeral home .
This is a custom I will never get used to.
Oh I know, people say we need it for closure.
Well tough, nobody will be hovering over my carcass.
Perhaps I'll write a note now to put out for people to read that says.
"I'm not in here anymore"

I can't bring myself to use the word passing.
Passing makes it sound like he's just stepped out.

He died.

I did not have enough time with him.